The music biz
Let me get this out of the way right away. This is probably my greatest failing, if not as a proper human being, then certainly as a successful human being.
Have you ever been to an AAA meeting? No, not the damn auto club… I mean the Alcoholics Anonymous dudes! If you have then you’ll recognize this introduction:
Hello. My name is Lonnie Dee Robertson and I am a MUSICIAN.
I didn’t have any choice in the matter. I was born a musician. If you don’t understand this, let me explain; It is like being born with congenital syphilis… but then at least syphilis is curable. If you are an artist it will erupt somewhere… music, writing, sculpture, painting… even poetry… you can try to suppress it but it will burst forth from you one day like Tourettes Syndrome. You can’t deny it and you can’t cure it. Oh crap, you can’t even control it most of the time.
Musicians, like all artists, are not practical people. They have about as much business sense as a Bufo Toad. Balancing a checkbook is alien territory to an artist. All artists need a business manager. If an artist can, like a leech or a Remora, attach himself to a person with business sense the artist will probably be successful and be able to afford such luxuries as food, dentistry, etc. What good is food if you haven’t the teeth to masticate it? If an artist fails to find a host with business sense the artist has a high probability of becoming a homeless dumpster diver.
Unfortunately, well organized sensible people are generally put off by personal relationships with artists… therefore most artists end up with other artists… guaranteeing their happiness… but also their financial ruin.
Long ago in the twentieth century things were, in a way, better for artists. If an artist could not find employment in his field (almost a foregone conclusion because the artist was required to produce “art” that appealed to people with no artistic sense or appreciation at all) he or she could take the parachute of becoming an “English Major.” You see, back in those days colleges offered a curriculum broadly entitled “Liberal Arts.” As far as I know this entire field of study no longer exists. If it did it would fall under the close scrutiny of the Department of Homeland Security. I am almost completely certain a student can no longer matriculate as an “English Major” unless he rises to the regimental level in the British Army. I know English majors are extinct because nobody even speaks English anymore… ain’t that right, dude? U evr txtd on yr “smrt phone?” Shit… if it weren’t for thumbs people couldn’t communicate at all. Do I really have to explain any further? LOL.
I became a musician because I really loved music. I wanted to change the world by singing folk songs. I even entertained the idea of performing classical music on the guitar and even the LUTE. What an incredibly demented notion. What an imbecile I was. I stayed a musician because I COMPLETELY abandoned my principles and spent my life performing mindless rock and roll and other music of the masses. The lucky few got to perform Music of the Spheres.
I’m getting too disgusted to write… check back next time and I’ll admit to a few more transgressions.